Exactly Where I'm At

It would be better if more people in this world thought I was naive, ignorant, or insane. I have no intention of going back to school or being successful. I'm not going to climb the ladder at work. I desperately want to shrug off some of the things which consume me. Why do I watch so much TV? Why do I listen to political talk radio all day? I will be disappointed if America is ruined but Jesus Christ is still alive. Was He crucified so I could get an HD TV?

I need to fill my head with Scripture. I want to have the heart and mind of Christ. I want to care about the right things. I want my heart to break for the things that makes His heart break.

Being a human being is frustrating and sticky. My heart pulls me in so many different directions. The broken quality of human life is demonstrated in my life. I deny myself little. The desires of my heart are often shallow and temporary.

If my broken human heart wants many things, then purity of heart is to want one thing. I have decided that this makes sense to me. It is simple and I like that.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." -Colossians 3:1-4

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

We started Joe Sangl's book, "I Was Broke, Now I'm Not" in our NewSpring home group. I hope to come out of it more prepared to properly manage my finances now and when I'm married. Also, I went searching and found this quote..

”I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditures excludes them.”

Clive Staples always has something good to say. Aside from the obvious (providing for my future wife/family), that quote encompasses a big reason why I want to take our study of the book seriously. It would be amazing not just to save, but to be free to give money away.

I wonder if one of the main differences between a successful person and an unsuccessful person is the successful person's willingness to observe a situation, consider their options, devise a course of action, and stick to it.

A few years ago, I was very negative. For some reason, it made sense for me to criticize people who had legitimately positive intentions while I remained an inactive, grumbling, miserable person. I don't know why I enjoy being that kind of person. I'm not even sure if I do enjoy it, but it is comfortable and easy to have zero expectations for myself. It's really easy to rag on the dreamers and doers, especially when they're annoyingly positive or full of cliches.

Hopefully, I'm not delusional and have actually seen some improvement in this area. Oddly enough, I spent my highschool and college age years being a cynical butthole. It wasn't until recently that I became an idealist and a dreamer. I am okay being what I used to dislike if it means living a life of significance. I do not want to become middle aged, unhappy, and apathetic. I really, really don't and I want to keep myself too shocked and aware to ever cross that line.

I want...

1) To be the successful person I described.

2) To be a more discerning person that sees past the obvious. I want to care less about making simple, obvious criticisms and care more about appreciating and thanking God for what He is doing through others' lives.

After 3.5 days of an excruciating migraine, I delved into the deepest corners of my mind and was reminded of the following commercials from the 80s/90s:

I'm going to devote more of my time to things that I think are worth doing. I'm trying to figure out a practical way to classify what is worth doing and what is not worth doing. That will be step one.

I'm starting up my Newspring small group. It is a weird feeling to step out into the unknown simply because you feel that God gave you the desire to. But I do know I'm meant to serve in this capacity and am hopeful that good will come from it.

Also: